Opinion: I Have Reviewed Both Sides and Selected the One I Already Believed

After careful consideration, the evidence has once again arrived at my exact starting position.

By Clark PressmanDecember 28, 1969 at 6:15 AMUpdated Dec 301 min readSatire

A notebook and pen on a desk — A scene recreated after everyone involved declined to remember it clearly.Photo illustration / The National Misprint

As a reasonable person, I approached this issue with an open mind and a firm commitment to finding whatever facts supported the conclusion I had reached several years ago.

I read two headlines, considered half of a chart, and briefly hovered over a link containing the opposing view.

True intellectual honesty means admitting when other people have failed to agree with you.

Having completed this rigorous process, I can report that I was right all along. Further research would only introduce unnecessary risk.

This is satire. This story is fictional. Any resemblance to actual events is an unfortunate scheduling coincidence.