Breaking · NationNation’s Experts Confirm Nobody Knows What That Meeting Was About
A blue-ribbon panel concluded the 62-minute gathering may have been “directional.”
Breaking · Nation
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More questionable judgmentNation
Nation’s Experts Confirm Nobody Knows What That Meeting Was About
The country’s leading authorities on workplace ambiguity confirmed Tuesday that no participant could identify a purpose, decision, or next step.
Politics
Congress Passes Landmark Bill Requiring All Bills to Have More Impressive Names
The THUNDER EAGLE FREEDOM ACT directs lawmakers to spend no less than 40 percent of drafting time on acronyms.
Local
Town Installs Second Roundabout to Give Drivers Time to Recover From First
Engineers say the additional loop gives motorists a full 11 seconds to reconsider every choice that brought them there.
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Nation
Man With World’s Largest Thumb Still Trying to Hitch Ride to Fonzie Impersonator Convention
“At first, I thought he was showing support for America,” motorist Sheila Perkins said. “Once I realized he needed a ride, I honked to show support for that too.”
Business
Area Dog Promoted After Demonstrating Stronger Leadership Skills Than Management
Employees praised the newly appointed vice president for morale for his clear priorities and consistent follow-through.
Politics
Congress Passes Landmark Bill Requiring All Bills to Have More Impressive Names
The THUNDER EAGLE FREEDOM ACT directs lawmakers to spend no less than 40 percent of drafting time on acronyms.
Science
Scientists Discover New Form of Matter Inside Office Refrigerator
The substance is older than the accounting department and appears to respond defensively to labels.
Opinion
More certainty
Opinion
Opinion: I Have Reviewed Both Sides and Selected the One I Already Believed
After careful consideration, the evidence has once again arrived at my exact starting position.
