Study Finds 94 Percent of Group Projects Completed by One Exhausted Person

The remaining six percent consisted of messages asking whether the presentation was due tonight.

By Misprint StaffDecember 30, 1969 at 9:15 AM1 min readSatire

A group gathered around a laptop while working together — A scene recreated after everyone involved declined to remember it clearly.Photo illustration / The National Misprint

ANN ARBOR — A 12-year university study has confirmed that 94 percent of every group project is completed by one visibly exhausted person whose name mysteriously appears first on the shared document.

The remaining participants contributed encouragement, scheduling conflicts, and a thumbs-up reaction at 11:48 p.m.

Consistent findings

Researchers observed the same pattern across schools, workplaces, volunteer committees, and a family attempting to choose a restaurant.

The exhausted person has requested a modest extension and 20 uninterrupted minutes.

This is satire. This story is fictional. Any resemblance to actual events is an unfortunate scheduling coincidence.